Above is a not very good photo of a drawing I did earlier today of my lovely ginger cat Marmaduke. It’s here to lighten the mood because it’s that time again, it’s Depression Recap Wednesday! So get a good eye feed of that calm, happy kitty because it’s 100% misery from here on in!
There was another circumstance that contributed significantly to my depression. As I’ve said before I moved in with my 2 closest friends from school, a girl I shall call B (because that’s her initial) and a boy I shall call C. There was another boy called A who was B’s (and also C’s) friend and together we lived in a crappy two up two down terrace house in Crookes, Sheffield. I had no say in the house we lived in and for reasons unknown to even me we all stayed (except for there was a brief roommate swap in my second year when A went to France) living in that house for the whole of my 3 year degree. We called it the House of Fun. Oh bitter, bitter irony.
B is a bit of a depressive herself, she was very worried that living together would wreck our friendship. I couldn’t possibly see why, I knew her and although she’s not an easy person to be with but I had been friends with her for so long I thought I knew what I was getting myself in for. I was wrong. Our friendship imploded in the most spectacular and yet mundane way. At school we were both pretty unpopular, B being very insecure as an in-the-closet lesbian. At university she came out, got a girlfriend and loads of new gay friends at the LGB. I was very happy for her but unfortunately me being straight I was not allowed into a lot of this new world. I never found a place for myself at university, there was no place for sensible straight people who didn’t want to just drink and shag. Maybe I would have had a great time if I were gay! Anyway me and B grew apart and as I got more depressed I got more angry about this. The angrier I got the less chance we had of repairing our friendship. We argued a bit but then unable to see any way out of it we just stopped talking. So our high school-long friendship disintegrated within those years and I haven’t spoken to her since.
One of the main worries B had was my growing closeness to C. I should explain that unlike B and A, C was a straight boy who had been a close friend since we were about 17. It had been hinted at many times that we should get together but we always brushed it off. In my first year C was invaluable to me, the most considerate person I had ever lived with. He was also in the same boat as me, an untypical student. When A and B were off out me and him would hang about playing computer games, eventually spending most of our time together. As we grew closer B grew more and more jealous. It got to the point when we did get together (which was a surprise for us but not for anyone else) we felt the only course of action was to hide it from everyone until we left for the summer.
My relationship with C is the only continually good thing about the past 5 years. It lifted me temporarily out of my misery and confusion at university. I was lost and I hated my whole existence at university, but I had him.
Wow I didn’t realise how sprawling my tale is. So I lost my friend, I had no life at university. Next time my proper descent into depression.