I feel like I’ve let my happiness slide somewhat. It’s strange how you can do this so easily: put off the long meditation one more day, put off writing that email to that friend just for now, put off writing a blog post or a journal entry until tomorrow, put off the long yoga session for today because I’m tired… etc etc. Somewhere along the way these things which I know are so crucial to my happiness and to my perception that I am recovering from the depression just become ‘to-dos’ that are not done because I’m ‘too sad today’.
When did these life-affirming things become duties?!
So I have made a pledge to myself: I will do these things and more! I am sick and tired of waking up sad and dreading the day so I will help myself cope. I will go to bed earlier and I will wake up and sit mindfully and do some pranayama before breakfast. Just a few minutes mind you, food is crucial to my happiness too and cannot be put off for long. I will write about this morning routine because I so want it and putting it on here seems to make it more real.
Now for 5 things that I am grateful exist in this world:
- Yoga (specifically asana but the whole shebang really)
No other system of movement (or anything really) has made me feel so alive and present in my body. I need it and without it I am bereft. Whenever I feel like a boost I will just look through my asana books or watch videos of people doing yoga and I imagine what they’re feeling in their bodies. Yoga excites me and it nourishes me and I hope that this continues until I die.
My god I love cats. Before I loved anything I loved cats. I would obsess over cats, I would collect cat books, cat toys, cat posters, anything! I learned everything there is to know about cats when I was very little… and we didn’t even have a pet cat! We got one when I was 6, strange how it felt like a lifetime back then. I’m still obsessed now, I just need to see a cat out and about and it’ll bring a stupid kiddy grin to my face. I’ll be the person you see waving at strangers cats.
I didn’t eat breakfast from the ages of 15-20. How did I survive?! I had terrible IBS and eating anything that early, especially with the stress of school would cause me terrible pain. I managed to get my symptoms under control and got to eat breakfast. And what a meal it is! I love all the classic breakfast dishes: oaty porridge, eggy bread (french toast), muesli, granola and am doing my best to collect new ones off all those healthy living blogs. It’s fantastic! I always make sure I’ve got a good breakfast planned before I go to bed so I have a reason to get out of bed when I’m feeling sad.
But not just any colour blue but that deep deep ultramarine blue. I refuse to call it Royal Blue because I’m a republican (not an American republican, an anti-monarchist) This colour has been my favourite colour since I was 5 and I wanted to rebel against PINK. It is the deepest, most exciting, most intense colour I’ve ever seen. If I could marry it I would and I’d stare into it’s blue self all day every day.
This was my first happiness list and it was a challenge! Hope it gets easier.