New Year

Happy New Year!

My year hasn’t got off to the most comfortable start. I spent most of the week before Christmas baking excessive amounts of biscuits and then I spent the whole day itself cooking The Big Dinner. I had no time to draw breath before I was struck down with a cold. I accepted that these things happen, especially at this time of year. I can wait out a couple of days of uncomfort, bad sleeps and no activity, I thought. I’ll definitely be better by New Years Day dinner so me and my boyfriend can cook that goose like we promised… don’t ask.

I wasn’t better by New Years Day. I’m only just getting better now. I have had an 8 day cold. The only activity I have had (apart from cooking that bloody goose dinner) has been a daily 10 minute walk followed by many hours staring at the tv. I have watched too many terrible Christmas films. I got through the days by being very mindful of my discomforts. Bad feelings came and went (mostly came), I couldn’t sleep and things were bleak but I treated it all as “stuff” to just experience. And you know what? It worked! The nightly body scan when I couldn’t sleep was very comforting. I also discovered putting my hands on my belly to feel my breath was very reassuring especially when I couldn’t breath through my nostrils. It’s hard to feel your breath when you can’t breath easily.

I had planned a grand retrospective of the year. Because 2011 was a very significant year for me in terms of self-development and enquiry and recovery. I have been on such an intensive self-enquiry… I refuse to say journey but there are no other words… journey for about 4 years that every year has brought on significant changes but 2011 felt like a year when I was getting somewhere. Finally! But end of year posts never work 3 days into the new year. Damn you cold.

Meanwhile I realise it’s very important for me to fill up my contentment tanks by doing lots of yoga and recommitting to my meditation.

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